A few months ago (I’m a slow reader) I started reading Beth Moore’s book So Long Insecurity. I instantly felt a strong connection to the book and her words. In the first chapter there were many aha moments and I felt comfort in the fact that a lot of my “issues” are the same ones Beth has, along with millions of other women.
I think when most people hear the word insecure, they think of the way someone looks. He/she is not secure with the way they look, they are self conscious therefore insecure. At least, that is what I spent a long time thinking. But, in my case looks aren’t my insecurity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, thinking “it doesn’t get much better than this”. Some days I’m happy with the way I look, then there are others where I avoid mirrors all together. But, I am who I am and I can honestly say I would change one thing about myself (on the exterior).
My insecurity issues also don’t have to do with the opposite sex (another large reason for insecurity with women). I’m not trying to change myself in order to make my husband “love or want me more”. He does a great job of communicating with me, showing his feelings, but my security with our relationship comes from my security with who I am in our marriage. And, he gets me. This is definitely not the way it always was. If I could go back and change ANYTHING from my early college years, it would be the way I acted with men and in relationships. I tried to be the girl I thought the guy wanted me to be. It got me nowhere and always ended in pain. I could probably write a book about all my “lessons learned”.
I am easily shaken. I am very sensitive. I am a people pleaser. My insecurity (according to Moore) is sensitivity to insecurity. It’s a mix of confidence and self confidence. Here are some of my “that’s me” moments…
When someone gets angry with me I can’t let it go until it’s fixed, which can become obsessive and lead to loss of sleep.
It bothers me if someone doesn’t like me.
I have a strong desire to make amends when I think I’ve done something wrong.
Sometimes I have unreal expectations of others.
I have uncertainty about weather feelings and desires I have are legitimate.
I worry too much about what others think or if what I do is good enough.
There you have it, I’m insecure.
I’m to the part of the book where Beth shares the “fix”. My goal is to devote Thursdays as “thoughtful Thursdays” for the next few weeks as I continue my journey through her book. As I was reading this book I was pinpointing my friends in different situations and different forms of insecurity. I’ll definitely be sharing the book with them, hope they don’t find it offensive! As I read, things became more clear to me and if any of what I’ve written applies to you, I would recommend reading this book!